Monday, November 15, 2010

Adoption is an Evil

And sometimes a necessary evil, but we should never forget that it is an evil.

The reason I write adoption is an evil is because it lacks the perfection found in the natural relation of child and parents.

Adoption is a substitute for that natural relation, and as is common to any substitute it lacks the form proper to that which it is a substitute of. The reason this distinction is important is because modern society has lost sight of nature and in turn has lost sight of the proper ordering of man and thus in turn the proper ordering of society. A loss of sight that has consequences. Often harmful consequences.

I occasionally come across articles of financially stable Catholics reaching out to mothers in distress, but as opposed to helping these mothers by taking away the cause of their distress, these financially stable Catholics instead act like interlopers using their wealth as a wedge to separate the mother from her baby offering to take the mother's baby from her.

They speak of love and caring, but only on their terms. Terms which are unnatural and disordered. Term befitting our materialist, consumerist society of personal gratification.

Subsidiarity and the natural good of children being raised by their own parents is cast aside.

What pushed me to write this post was an article in the local FSSP parish weekly bulletin of a family looking for a woman in severe enough distress that one of her children could be pried away from her, hopefully a child under 2 years old. And when I went to the web page listed in the bulletin there was a fund raiser for $20,000 to make it possible for the family to adopt the baby!!!! How can people be that blind? But they are. The thought of helping the mother in distress was not even a consideration. And all the comments were how wonderful the family was, when they are nothing of the kind, but only people buying a child by means of preying on a mother's misery that is so intense she sees no way out but giving away one of her children. Not to mention ripping that child away from it's mother. The evil of it is amazing. But yet it appeared in my own parish bulletin. And yes, the family wanting to adopt the baby is very nice looking because that shallow image is what is more important than a child being with its own mother.

Do those who so callously buy other women's children really love their own children so little, or are they so incapable of empathy, that they cannot see what they are doing?

Or let us look at the prolife movement with its mantra of "adoption not abortion". As opposed to helping young mothers keep their babies, the prolife movement pushes silently the concept that the babies are better off without their own mother because a family of strangers with more money, or in some other way looking more perfect is better for the baby. The natural good of the baby and the mother is pushed aside in preference of the unnatural american ideal of pretty family.

Some background:

I don't usually discuss personal matters online and will leave out the personal story that most influenced my view on the subject. But I do have others as well.

Such as my brother was given away for adoption to Catholic Social Services. Our parents weren't married and our father was in law school when our mother became pregnant, and so they did what was expected. Our parents almost immediately regretted their decision, they didn't want to give my brother away in the first place, but they didn't see they had a choice. Our parents went back to Catholic Social Services the next day to try to get him back, but were denied their baby. Rules are rules and the natural good of a child to be raised by his own parents was pushed aside. We did finally meet our brother about 10 years ago, and what stood out most of all was how all his mannerisms, and inclinations and similar were exactly like the rest of his siblings. Blood matters, and is especially visible when both parents are the same.

My mother was raised by her aunt that she thought was her mother. Her true mother became pregnant outside of marriage and so my mother's true mother's sister took her in and raised her with her true mother being there to love her as only a mother can.

My cousin likewise became pregnant outside of marriage. My aunt had a surprise birth and my cousin raised her daughter at home.

The solution of my mother being raised by an aunt, or that of my cousin is how problem pregnancies used to be taken care of avoiding both scandal as well as allowing the true mother to care for her child as God intended. They were a natural holistic solution grounded in the natural order as opposed to the modern solution grounded in commerce and money.

More to come.

11 comments:

  1. +JMJ+

    I have been growing more and more disillusioned with adoption as well. It started when I pondered the greater implications of international adoption and had to admit that children lose something essential when they are ripped from their ethnic and historical homelands. And then I had to admit that the same thing happens on a different level when they are given up by their mothers in domestic adoptions--even when they are taken by people of the same ethnic background.

    There's also the issue of saying something is so just because an official piece of paper says it's so. I don't think that someone who has had gender reassignment surgery (or whatever it's called these days) can get to say that he or she is a different sex; and likewise, I don't think that someone who has gone through the proper legal proceedings can get to say that she is a baby's mother. An adoptive mother, okay; a foster mother, sure. But she'll simply never be the child's real mother. She might be a million times better at raising the child than his actual mother is, but it's not enough to rub out the objective facts.

    Then, yes, there's the money. Adoptive families seem to think that because they are able to pay for children, they should be able to have them. Which turns children into a commodity. And which gives rise to the best joke in the mostly asinine comedy What to Expect When You're Expecting: an adoption agent has just asked an American couple why they are interested in a baby from Ethiopia, and the man quips, "All the white babies were already taken." (Bwahahahahahahahaha!) But while some wealth and resources are necessary for raising children, they don't give rich people the right to have children, any more than the lack thereof takes away the real parents' rights if they happen to be poor.

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  2. Enbrethiliel,

    I appreciate your reply.

    While there is movement to see the various issues from the holistic understanding you express, americans have it appears a long path to follow before they no longer mistake the propositional for the natural.

    At first blush, because it is so close to us, one would think motherhood would be the last place the propositional would have roots, but I suspect the opposite is occurring as a defense mechanism where justification of daycare et all is causing a further separation from the natural.

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  3. This article might be the dumbest thing ever written in the history of the internet. It is not, in ANY way, evil. In order to call something evil, it would have to be a sin. In order for you to call it a sin, you would need Scriptural basis for it. Joe Washburn in Florida

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  4. Anonymous,

    Evil has more than one meaning. Adoption can be sinful, i.e.deplorable (sinful also has more than one meaning) such as the example I give above of the family looking for a woman in a desperate circumstance. Or it can be a necessary evil which is morally benign, such as chemotherapy is an evil but not sinful.

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    1. No...I'm adopted, a victim of closed adoption and trust me, adoption IS evil. My adoptive mother abused me (and still does if I ever have to talk to her) mercilessly and I am in my 50's. I still do not know who my real parents are, it causes me pain everyday and is part of why I no longer believe in god too. (I mean seriously, what kind of freekin "loving" god would let a child grow up hearing they are NOT allowed to know who their own mother is?) I have said many times online in the past ten years that single mothers should be helped financially by family and church community to keep their babies and should be forgiven for an act of fornication so I am glad the author agrees with me, and thanks. Adoption takes us off our natural path and the lessons we could learn, and the people we could meet and it is really sad that people who support adoption don't see that it is an evil force that leads us astray from our natural parents and them from compassion, forgiveness and humility. I ask everyone to please support opening the adoption records in all states in America. This torture has gone on long enough.

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    2. love the girls: I did not mean to make my comment as a reply. That was a mistake just to let you know-I meant to just post a comment but computers like to torture me too :) I realize that what I said being posted as a reply made it look like I was arguing with you but that was not my intent. I will add though that I do think adoption is never necessary-guardianship. yes, but infertile couples don't want to do that because they demand the tittle of mom and dad because that is part of what they are paying for and because the can't get that on their own, two situations which victimizes adoptees. I appreciate this article, and it made me feel better so thank you. I just wish Catholic Clergy would get it through their thick heads that the records need to open-they constantly fight us and that is unchristian at it's very core.

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    3. *they can't get that on their own

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  5. And to Joe Washburn-I think you are dumb because the adoption system is a sin. It breaks the following commandments:
    Thou shalt not steal:
    Since the adoption records closed to adoptees and our real parents our mother's were forced to give us away against their will.
    Many pregnant young women were forced to go to maternity homes run by nuns and were nothing less than prisons. The nuns were ruthless and used lies like if you keep your baby you will go to hell to stop the arguing from these poor new mothers. The doctors and nurses took us away from our moms at birth and gave us to strangers. Forcing a woman give her baby away against her will IS stealing her child from her.
    It is also stealing OUR identities. medical histories and family's from us, adoptees.
    Thou shalt not bear false witness:
    On an amended birth certificate which is all adoptees get, it states that our adoptive parents conceived us and our adopted mothers gave birth to us. THIS is a lie and therefore bear false witness against us that we are biologically related to our adoptive parents and were created by them. These false documents alos like about the day we were born, what time and where so our mothers would have a hard time finding us. Telling us we were born on any day other than the one we were is also bearing false witness against us(and our mothers and everyone else in our bloodline).
    Thou shalt not covet:
    All infertile women want another woman's baby because they are jealous they can't have their own.
    That is no adoptees fault or any fertile woman's fault.
    Many adoptive parents know full well single women with newborns were forced or coerced to give their babies to people like them who covet their child.
    So that is of God's laws that those involved adoption and barren couples break. So yes, adoption commits sins and it is evil....
    Adoption also goes against Christ's moral codes. If He could forgive Mary Magdalene a PROSTITUTE, who committed fornication who knows how many times than our mother's surely deserved to be forgiven for doing it once. It goes against Jesus's law not to forgive and the author makes a good point in this post which reflects that when he says that single mothers should be financially helped to raise her child (which I have said for years and years online too).
    So Mr. Washburn I think you better take the plank out of your eye, because um, I think it is blinding you..
    To the owner of this blog-I was not raised Catholic but I like your concept of organic Catholicism. I think that is the way being Catholic was meant to be before the Church was taken over by alot of ghouls. Kudos to you and keep up the good work :)

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  6. *Fixing typos
    *The doctors and nurses took us away from our moms at birth and the nuns, adoption agencies and social workers gave us to strangers.

    *So that is three of God's laws that those involved adoption and barren couples break. So yes, adoption commits sins and it is evil...

    (I also think typing is evil but perhaps I will address that in another comment LOL).

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